Writing Topics- Those Dreaded Questions.

So here's some questions that writers hate getting asked and here's a way of replying (there's an actual way and then there's what I usually do).


What's Your Story About?
A: (Here you're suppose to give this really amazing short pitch that'll make them want to read it)
A2: (But this is really what happens) "Well uhh....you see...its about this girl...who has super powers..no wait..."


So What Do You Want to Be?
A: A Writer (in which they give you this weird look and some annoying answer)
A2: (In which I tell them something that's not being a writer so that I can avoid the weird look and sudden awkward conversation.)


When did you know you wanted to be a Writer?
A: You give a really simple and a cute answer about something when you were younger.
A2: "Well...I'm not totally positive...maybe when...no...wait, yeah...when I was eight I started to write this story. It wasn't very good and-" (you ramble on for twenty minutes)


Where do you get your stories?
A: You come up with some really cool answer that makes you sound awesome.
A2: "Its none of your business!" (Or some rude remark...or a weird one that makes people look at you strangely.)


Can I be in your story?
A: Sure!
A2: No! (Or sure and then you kill them off or you give them some little part in the story because you actually don't want them in there because you know that they'll serve no purpose to your plot)


Why aren't you published yet?
A: There's really no good answer for this except that its a bit rude to be asked this. Or whoever asked this is really naive about how people get published and how long it takes to actually write the book.


Are you finished yet? (After telling someone you're working on a novel and you just started it and then a couple weeks later they ask this)
A: Yes or no.
A2: (Yes, I just finished the first draft and now I'm gonna work on the second draft [after this the person replies "I meant the whole story! Is it publishable yet?"]. No [because it actually takes longer then a month...])


So when you're published, can I have a copy of your book for free?
A: Sure! (Mostly because you're being nice)
A2: No! (Why would I give you a free copy when you can go out and buy it and then support my career?)


Are you going to make a lot of money?
A: Yes I will!
A2: Hopefully!


Do you like to write?
A: Uh, yeah... (That's why I just told you that I'm a writer. Or, the person just saw you writing and asked this).
A2: No, I'm just writing this novel because I hate writing. Pfff...


What are you writing?
A: You tell the person this really awesome description.
A2: You kinda accidently fail at it.


Are you writing?
A: Yep!
A2: No, I'm just practicing a new form of drawing. You know...wridraw?


Are you publishing that?
A: Uh...hopefully?
A2: Hopefully, if I get accepted by an agent or I self publish.


Why do you take so many notes? 
A: You look down at your paper and reply,"I'm not..." or you say, "cause I'm a good student!"
A2: This is actually an amusing question because anyone who writes as much as writers do, probably won't be taking four or six pages of notes during a class period. Just saying.


How many chapters is it?
A: You answer the question because you know that chapters don't determine how long a book is. 
A2: Some smart-aleck answer because you get annoyed being asked this for the obvious reason stated above.


"So am I a character in your book?"
A: Noooo. or Maybe.... 
A2: You don't want to be in my  book unless you want to die some horrid way. Just saying!


Why don't you just get it published already? 
A: You think back to how you just told the person that you just started it and tell them that its not finished yet. 
A2: Its not finished....and then you go on to have a lengthy explanation on how to get published because you're annoyed that you just told the person a  week ago that you just started  a novel.


Do you know the difference between your, your and you'are?
A: Of course I do... and then you explain it nicely. 
A2: You get annoyed and hand them an Idiot's Guide to Grammar and the English Language. 


You do this for fun? 
A: Yep! That's why I'm writing a novel.
A2: Noooo, I don't. I'm being forced against my will by an evil unicorn/monster to write a book that I just told you  I was writing!


 "Can I read what you're writing?!" *reading over shoulder*
A: No. 
A2: No. I won't let you because you were reading over my shoulder. And even if you hadn't, I still wouldn't let you read it.

So do you have any more annoying questions that non writers (or even other writers!) ask you? How to you usually respond? Which question annoys you the most? What's the most ridiculous thing you've ever been asked in related to writing?

Sincerely,
Sareh